Solitude
by XandyPants
Summary: It's been months and there's been no trace of Izaya Orihara. The police and even his own parents have given up on him, just about everyone has, expect his sisters and Celty. They will go to just about any lengths to find him and bring him home, and restore balance to ever fragile nature of the city and it's people. Eventual Shizaya, rating may go up.
1. Chapter 1

_**Wow, ok. Here goes. Nervous has hell.  
I don't own anything, only the story. I hope you guys enjoy. Oh, and it's pretty much going to be ooc. Shizaya fluff always is~**_

Chapter One

The Orihara siblings had never been close. Kururi and Mairu had always found great amusement in harassing their older brother, and he had taken no real interest in their lives outside of the very limited contact he had with them. The twin girls had always insisted that if anything happened to their brother they would be alittloe sad, but would soon get over it and laugh about it later on. That, however, was not the case.  
Izaya Orihara had been missing for months, his office had been found trashed and blood had been splattered everywhere. The girls had discovered the mess one afternoon after school. They had been intending to annoy their older brother for a while and possibly get a free meal from him before heading home. Both had broken down at the state of his apartment. Everyday since then, they visited his home before and after school, ensuring everything was exactly the way he liked it, waiting for him to come home. As Izaya owned the apartment, nobody could touch it, it could not be sold or rented out. The twins had been glad about that. If the twins ran away from home, their parents knew exactly where to find them. They had warned the girls to stay away, that it was unhealthy to continually upset themselves by keeping their strong hope alive. As sad as it was, Izaya Orihara's own parents had long since given up on their son ever returning. Truth be told, they had cut him out of their lives as much as possible since he graduated highschool and moved out of home. He had been fine with that, he had always found them to be tiresome and dull. The arrangement suited both parties perfectly. The odd phonecall was exchanged here and there, but that was mostly out of obligation, not love.

The police had also long since given up on the investigation, most of them somewhat relieved to be rid of Orihara. He had caused them a lot of drama in his earlier days. His activities reguarding the underbelly of the city had caused endless headaches and a heap of extra work for them, even after he moved out of Ikebukuro. No one, it seemed, wanted Izaya Orihara found. No one, except his little sisters.

Golden light filtered through the slightly dusted curtains of the empty apartment as the sun slowly rose over the jagged horizon of the city. Neglected in the corner sat a computer on an expensive wooden desk. A stack of files sat neatly by the computer, awaiting an owner that would not come home. In the kitchen stood an empty fridge, all of it's contents cleared out long ago. It was no longer plugged in, as was the case with all the electronics in the spacious apartment. A thing layer of dust had settled over everything with the lack of cleaning the place had experienced lately. In the bedroom everything was as he had left it that morning. A neatly folded stack of clothing sat on the foot of a neatly made bed, ready to be put away. The floor was clutter free and the carpet still wonderfully soft. The only picture hanging on the wall was covered in dust, the same as everything else, but it still managed to give off a warm vibe. It had, afterall, been the happiest time of his life.  
Giving a tired creak, the door to the apartment slowly opened. Light from the corridor ignited the space, softly mixing with the soft glow of sunlight slowly invading the dorment place. Black boots were removed from her feet as she slolwy entered, making no sound as she pressed forward towards the desk in the corner. Plugging the computer into the wall, she was surprised to find the apartment still had a power supply. Perhaps the rumors were true. Perhaps Izaya had been getting free power for a favour he had done for the power company. Shrugging, the woman began typing, the password easily figured out. If she could have, she would have scoffed. Typical Izaya. Taking her helmet off, the dullahan began searching through the files, one at a time, trying to find even the smallest clue of what had happened to the informant.  
Although she would never admit it, Celty missed her former employer. Sure he was a manipulative bastard with a god complex, but life just wasn't the same without him. She had already spent countless hours out in the city, searching for him and looking for clues, but nothing ever came up. Shinra, her partner, had been depressed since Izaya had vanished. He had worried himself sick and now all the light that once sparkled in his mischiefous eyes had all but faded. He was one of very few who had considered Orihara a friend.  
Leaning back in the expensive chair, Celty scanned over the information displayed on the screen. Even without a head, she could see and that was all that mattered to her. Her body shook as she silently chuckled. Izaya had made an amusing entry about Shinra. It detailed a visit he had made to their place several weeks before he vanished. He had asked Shinra a lot of rather personal questions, leaving the doctor in a state of panic and embarassment. From that visit, Izaya had concluded that Shinra was bisexual with feelings for both Shizuo Heiwajima and himself, even if he claimed the only partner for him was Celty. Of course she had already figured all of this out, but it had been amusing to watch him break under Izaya's ruthless tactics, and she had realised that it didn't bother her in the slightest. She trusted the underground doctor and that was all that counted.  
Looking over to the bookshelf, studying an empty space between the tomes. She had long since forgiven the information broker for keeping her head hidden from her, but it still left her with a nasty tingling in her body. She was greatful though. He had kept it safe, he had protected it. He could have done horrible things such as blackmail her but he hadn't. This had slightly redeemed him in her view...slightly. If she ever found him again, she'd be sure to let him know that, after slapping him for the mess he caused in his attempts to start a war.  
She broke free from her thoughts as as she opened a folder on his former secretary, Namie. Pictures flooded the screen of the pretty young woman meeting with various other people, most of them seemed to be business men. Celty inwardly groaned as she looked at each image carefully. Had Izaya been suspicious of his secretary? It was no secret that they loathed each other but was she perhaps part of this mess? She would have to look further into this, but for now, she was tired of staring at the computer screen.  
The creaking of the door caught her attention as it opened. Spinning around to face the newcomer, she was met with the sight of two rather sleeping looking school girls. Both resembled their brother quite a lot, sporting the same dusted coal locks and deep brown eyes that seemed to gleam red in the sunlight. The excitement on their faces faded when they realised it wasn't their brother sitting in his chair, but rather the transporter he had relied on rather heavily.  
"Morning Celty," Mairu yawned, stretching her arms up above her and standing on the tips of her toes in an all mighty stretch. Her glasses slid down her nose a little bit as she sleepily took in her surroundings, looking for any trace of her brother. She would not give up on him.  
"Morning," Kururi repeated, giving a shy wave to the dullahan before making her way over to the couch and curling up. It still had a faint Izaya scent to it and she found it comforting, even if Mairu thought she was crazy.  
celty reguarded the two newcomers before walking over to them and typing something up on her PDA.  
**[Morning you two. You're up rather early.]**  
Mairu squinted at the screen, as if it in another language. She finally looked up and gave the headless woman a weak smile.  
"We always get up early."  
**[Why are you here though? I thought you went to school in Ikebukuro?]**  
"We do. We come here every morning...just incase he's back."  
There was a heartbreaking tone of desperation in her voice as she struggled to hold in her tears. Sitting on the couch, she leaned over to hug her twin, who's face was already stained with the salty trails of emotion she could no longer fight back. Celty felt a pang of pity jolt through her being as she watched the younger Orihara siblings comfort each other. They had been so strong, standing alone all this time, standing against the wishes of their parents. She couldn't stand to see them suffer like this. They needed their brother, even if it was just the knowledge that he was there. She would find him and bring him home, even if it killed her.  
Sitiing beside them, she used her shadows to pull the two girls close to her as she wrapped her arms around them. She had never been the 'motherly' type so she found this rather awkward, but it was the only thing she could think of right now. When the time came, she would take them to school, but for now this was were they would stay.

_**So, this is the first thing I've had the guts to upload, so yeah, I'm pretty darn nervous right now. I'd like to know what you think of it so far. Please don't be too harsh. Thankyou for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it.  
I've already got a good chunk of chapter two done aswell so keep an eye out.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Ugh, I'm so sorry for the long wait. Thankyou for being patient with me and a HUGE thankyou to all that reviewed and followed and fav'd. You gave me the energy to continue. I'm not happy with this chapter but I've been staring at it for days and nothing's happened. I hope you enjoy it.**

The endless buzz of cars and horns filled the early morning air as people made their way to work. The air was thick with pollution and fumes as the cars made their way to their destinations. Already the traffic was beginning to line up as the the sun sat above the buildings. It was only half past six in the morning but already the city was alive with activity. The nocturnal folk, such as the gang members and shady characters of the city, were slinking back to their dwellings to sleep away the daylight hours, ready for another night of activity. Cafes and shops were only just beginning to open their doors and set up of for the long day ahead. This was the rhythm of the city, ever growing but never changing. Something had changed though, it was undetectable at first, but slowly, like an infection it had spread. Ikebukuro was slowly rotting with corruption.

Footsteps pounded on the pavement as a young male raced along. He weaved between the early risers making their way along the street, even running out onto the road to dodge the traffic in an attempt to shake his pursuers. His heart hammered in his chest and fear fueled his dramatic actions. His breath came in desperate rasps as he struggled to get enough oxygen to keep going. His eyes were wild with fear, hungrily scanning the alleyways for somewhere to hide, somewhere he couldn't followed. Such luck was not on his side this morning.

A strong hand lashed out and grabbed his shirt, abruptly stopping his journey. Deep breathing filled his ears as a growl erupted behind him. His knuckled whitened as he clunched his jaw and fists in terror. He was fucked. It was as simple as that. No one caught after running from Shizuo Heiwajima was ever let off lightly. Gulping, he looked over his shoulder into smouldering honey eyes. He felt his body being roughly shoved against a wall as a second man approached. His calm demenor conflicted with the aura of pure rage from his captor. The darker skinned of the two simply shook his head as he walked closer, dreadlocks swinging freely about his head, hands casually tucked into his pockets.  
"Shouldn't have tried to run," he scolded, somewhat confident now that the guy had been caught.  
"I'm...I...I," the trapped man stuttered. His eyes were screwed shut as tightly as he could manage. Tom just sighed.  
"You owe a lot of money you know? It's time to pay up."  
"I-I d-don't have it," he whimpered. He was trying so hard not to cry from fear. The one holding him up scoffed with disgust.  
"Well then, you shouldn't have gambled it all away!" His voice becoming more gritty with each word. "You're pathetic, disgusting, a piece of shit. It's too early for this shit and you make me run after you?"  
"Easy Shizuo," Tom warned, placing a hand on the muscular arm holding the guy in place, trying to calm his friend.  
"I...promise to pay up."  
"You'd better, or next time I won't stop him. Got it?"  
The young man nodded desperately. He scampered away as soon as the hand holding him let go. His pants were damp with fear and his heart threatening to give out at any moment. Worst morning ever.

Tom adjusted his glasses and looked over to his friend, who had taken a seat nearby for a smoke. He noted the tenser than usual expression his employee wore, he took in the rigid body ready to pounce. He was worried, at this rate, Shizuo's health would be affected and who knows what would happen then. Taking a seat beside his stressed out bodyguard, Tom sighed, earning a confused yet annoyed glare from the other.  
"I'm not taking any time off," Shizuo muttered, running his fingers through his own bleached blonde hair.  
"I wasn't going to say anything," his employer mused, suddenly very interested in his phone.  
"Right, and I'm a woman in a frilly pink dress."  
"Look, I just think a day or two off ...maybe a few...would do you some good. It's getting worse Shizuo. You're angrier than ever, you're stress levels are through the roof and you're breaking people more than you need to. I'll manage while you're gone and I promise you'll still have a job when you come back, but as for now, I'm sending you home to have some time off. End."  
"I don't need any time off!" The blonde bellowed, earning terrified stares from onlookers.  
"That right there, proves my point. Go home, relax and try to calm down."  
"Whatever," he spat, getting up from his seat and storming off. He didn't care where he was going, as long as it was away from here. Tom only sighed and shook his head as he watched the other stalk off in a huff. That was Shizuo Heiwajima for you, and it was best to never piss him off.

"Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIIIIIIIIIIT!" The furied bellow rang out over Ikebukuro, many people stopping their activities to watch. Whenever Shizuo Heiwajima cried out something along those lines, it was usually accompanied by the start or end of a chase in which a good portion of the city would be destroyed. A cry like that always signified the return of Izaya Orihara to their city. But no chase came, no flying street signs, no air born vending machines and no infuriated blonde racing after the cheeky dark locked bastard that delighted in mocking him. The delicate balance of 'peace' had tipped.

A cigarette clamped tightly in his mouth, Shizuo fumbled with the lighter, his hands trembling with pent up rage and frustration. His eyes darted around, desperately searching for the one he hadn't seen in months. Occassionally he detected the off wiff of flea stink floating through the air, but it was never more than a fleeting second before it was gone again.  
"The fuck is that bastard up to?" He mused to himself, turning on his heels. His eyes widened slightly behind his sunglasses as Celty rushed past on her bike. She had two girls on the back holding on for dear life. He knew who they were even with their faces covered by their helmets. Why though? Couldn't Izaya pay for them to get a taxi or a bus or something? Perhaps the flea was getting stingy. Fucking louse, making Celty do meaningless chores. Well, he would definately put a stop to that. Shizuo's day now had a new purpose and that brought a twisted grin to his features.

With the girls safely at school, Celty returned to her own apartment. Sunlight danced through the glass of the windows, lighting the space and giving it a comforting feeling. Shinra and his medical bag were gone so she assumed he was on a job. That was fine with her, she had work to do anyway. Heading to her room, she opened a drawer and pulled out a memory stick and placed it securely into a small shadow made pocket. Leaving Shinra a note, the dullahan was quickly on her way again, tearing through the streets on her way back to Shinjuku. She attracked several stares but she didn't take any notice. Atleast there weren't any traffic cops around this morning.

The apartment was just as she left it when she returned. Taking her boots and helmet off, Celty once again moved over to the computer, starting her search where she had left off. Onto the memory stick she copied file after file to go through back at home. Shinra may even be able to help her if he was feeling up to it. Izaya's secretary kept appearing as she sorted through the files. Opening one of the many, Celty was greeted with many more pictures of the woman. In most she was talking to older men in suits. Perhaps Izaya had gotten jealous? She chuckled to herself at the thought of the informant having a crush on the woman he tormented most. Well, it certainly would explain a lot but it was highly unlikely.

Shinkuju definately had a different vibe to the one he could feel in 'Bukuro. The people smiled, they laughed and joked as they went about their busniess. The atmosphere was pleasent and warm. Shizuo found this unsettling as he pushed forward. Only a small handful of people recognised him but the majory reguarded him as merely another stranger and ignored him. His chest tightened as the bulding he was looking for came into view. He had only been here once, but that had been enough for him. It had been raining that night and Izaya had pissed him off far worse than usual so instead of breaking off the chase when the flea had left 'Bukuro, Shizuo had kept right on chasing him. He had chased that little maggot back to his apartment and even inside. However, once inside, all traces of the lithe man's playfulness had evaporated. He had merely turned to his 'guest' and told him to leave. It was the coldest expression he had ever seen on his rival's face and it was somewhat unsettling.

Just as she was about to shut down the computer before her, the dullahan jumped out of the seat as the apartment door was forced open. She turned rather quickly to face the invader, ready to defend herself, but quickly relaxed when she recognised the man staring at her with bewildered confusion.  
"...Celty?" He asked as he walked into the room, shoes on and all.  
Snatching her PDA, she furiously typed back a reply.  
_[Hey Shizuo. What are you doing here? Shinjuku usually isn't somewhere you'd visit.]_

"I came to..." He froze, his eyes finally taking in the state of the apartment he had forced his way into. "Where's the pest? Looks like he hasn't been home in months. I can't even smell his flea stink in here."

Celty sslouched her shoulders in a sigh. She might as well inform Shizuo of the situation.

_[Izaya's been missing for months. Mairu and Kururi are a mess. They're not coping.]_  
"..Oh," was all that escaped his lips before he sat down on an expensive leather couch, motioning for the dullahan to sit beside him.

**Chapter 3 is just about done aswell so if I finish it within the next couple of hours I'll upload that aswell before I run off to class**


	3. Chapter 3

**...So, hello again. Here's that chapter I mentioned the other day**

Chapter 3

**-Izaya-**

This place had been his entire world for months now, or what he assumed had been months. He had lost count, finding it pointless to try and figure it out when he had been knocked out several times anyway. His head ached and his bones complained painfully as he struggled to stand. Hunger knawed at his stomach, bringing tears to his eyes. Pain jolted his every joint and limb. He felt as if he had been hit by a truck, the sudden though bringing a smile to his dry lips. Shizu-Chan had been hit by a truck, and how amusing it had been. He wished more than anything to return to how things were.

His cell held little for him to do. It was basically a concrete box with a tiny barred window near the top, definately well out of reach. His bed was a simple slab of timber with a flimsy mattress and moth eaten sheets and a blanket, all were an icky grey colour. Perhaps they had once been white? The tiny amount of natural light that did manage to filter down through his window was no where near enough. His section was separted into two areas by a sliding door of stong metal bars. When it was time for meals, he would be ordered to go and sit on his bed. Once he complied, the bars would slide across, seperating him from the door that would open and from the girl that brought his meals to him. She was a tiny, pathetic creature. Her hair was always matted, her face always dirty and her clothes never changing, but he was no different. He'd been in the same clothes since the night they kidnapped him.

"Tch, how the might have fallen, ne?" He spun around painfully, desperately searching for the souce of the voice. A shrill laugh filled his ears, causing him to wince and screw his eyes shut.  
"What do you want?" He sat on his bed, waiting for the reply he knew was coming. Any second now.

Nothing.

Great.

He was going mad. Being seperated from his humans had been the cruelest thing they could have ever done to him. He could take the beatings he was given, he could survive the cuts and needles they inflicted upon him, but he couldn't stand to be alone. The girl that brought him food came to mind. He went over every detail in his mind. She was as much a human as that protozoan, less so infact. She was more of a rat, scampering around, desperate to survive. Again, he was no different.

The familiar clanking on the other side of his cell drew him out of his thoughts. He watched emotionlessly as the bars slide across the room, locking him in to an even smaller area as the very girl he had been thinking about walked in. She couldn't have been more than twelve years old. Big brown eyes darted from the small tray she was carrying to the man she had been told to fear above all else. Even with the bars dividing them, she couldn't help but shake, tears welling in her eyes. The woman had said that this man had done terrible things to little girls like her, terrible things like the men upstairs did to her mother. She placed the tray down and ran from his sight, the door locking behind her.  
He held back a chuckle as he watched her leave.

"You make small children cry," came the sing song voice from before, a chuckle followed closely behind.  
"What do you want?" He repeated, watching the bars slide back into their slot in the wall.  
"Why, to talk to you of course. I do so enjoy our little conversations."  
"They're unhealthy," he mused, finally standing and walking over to his food ration for the day. Typical, stale bread, a cup of water and a mush of God knows what. Wonderful.

'Looks tasty," the voice laughed from right behind him. "Let's hope it's tastier than it looks though."  
"I doubt it," Izaya sighed, taking the tray back to his bed to sit once again. He closed his eyes as the first bite squashed against his tongue. He shuddered, desperately trying not to spit it out and throw up. He swallowed.  
"Nasty," the voice teased again, the figure finally sitting beside him, staring at the tray in his hands. "I think even monsters would turn their nose up at this, meaning you must be far lower than even them.'  
"Would you just shut it?"  
"So anyway," she continued, flashing him a grin similar to one he would have once sported himself. "I was thinking that maybe you should ask if you can spruce this place up a bit. A bit of paint on the walls would do wonders I think. Stone colour is so last stoneage. OH OH! maybe you could request some new clothes aswell. It might lift your spirits slightly and you wouldn't smell so bad."

He ignored her as he ate. The pain in his stomach subsided as the disgusting gruel filled the horrible void he had learned to tolerate. What he wouldn't give for just a mouthful of ootoro right now. It was now he noticed her voice had stopped. He looked to her and sighed.  
"What?" He asked, trying to find the will power to eat just a little bit more.  
"I miss the old you. This place is ruining you."  
"I can't very well help that now can I? You know what happened the last time I tried to escape. I still can't walk properly from it."  
She snorted, her hands quickly covering her mouth. "Who knew the guards were into that kinda stuff, ne?"  
"They would do it again, given half the chance. They watch me in the shower. It's rather unsettling."  
Nothing more was said between them as he got up and replaced his tray where the girl had left it. His companion was gone by the time he returned to his bed, but he knew she would be back, and that's what worried him.

It was some time before the sound of human voices graced his senses again. The sun had long since given up and turned in for the night and the guards were fewer in number. He had missed what they had said, but he gathered it was of little importance anyway. He ignored the footsteps approaching his cell, opting to pretend to be asleep until they went away again.

A sharp prod to the ribs caused his eyes to fly open in pain.  
"Get up," a gruff voice commanded, taking him by the arms and pulling him to his feet. Where ever they were taking him, he found he simply didn't care. Reacting would only give them what they wanted and he was too far gone to care.  
"He's unusually quiet," mused a second guard, who had taken an arm off the first to help him drag the prisoner to the bathroom. "Smells pretty bad too."  
"That's why he's going to have a shower, idiot." The first guard snapped at his partner. It had been a long day and dealing with Izaya Orihara was not something he wanted to end it with.

Roughly, they threw his body into a small room, both entering after him. He struggled to his feet and eyed them warily. They could easily over power him if he tried anything. He simply didn't have a chance. Slowly he began to strip off his clothing.

* * *

**-Shizuo-**

Pacing the streets, Shizuo found he couldn't shift the ominous feeling welling in his stomach and chest. At first he had through it was gas so he had tried to burp it out but that had only succeed in making him feel sick. It was pissing him off!

Finding that his feet had taken him to a park, he settled in the shade of a large tree and closed his eyes. His brain was still trying to process everything that Celty had told him. Izaya was missing, feared dead. His apartment had been found trashed with blood everywhere. Shinra had confirmed that the blood was definately Izaya's. The twins were beside themselves with grief and worry and Shinra was depressed over a missing flea. Tch. All this for that little blood sucker? Who the fuck cared if he was dead? GOOD RIDDANCE!

...No

That wasn't...

He couldn't...

Sighing, Shizuo faced the facts. He missed the little pest. He missed the chases and the attention. He missed not being able to go all out and vent every ounce of rage at the one man who could take it and would continue to come back for more. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed Izaya to come back before he destroyed the city and everyone in it.

A tap on the shoulder brought him back from his throughts. A PDA was shoved at his face as he tried to read the screen.

_[You ok? You left in kind of a hurry before.]_

"Heh, sorry about that. I needed to get out of there and think. I'm fine, don't worry about me."

She paused before showing him her next reply.

_[Are you worried?]_

"...About? The Flea? FFFFFFT NO."

_[You're a terrible liar.]_


	4. Chapter 4

_**First of all, I'm sorry for the long wait. Life crept up behind me and ran me over with it's shenanigans. My class finished (yay) and I'm currently looking to move out of home and in with a friend so you know. Busy busy busy~**_

_**Secondly, I'm suffering a block when it comes to this story. I've been tempted to abandon it but I'm not going to unless I really really can't keep with it. I shall struggle on until I can struggle no more**_

_**Finally, I hope you enjoy**_

* * *

It was far earlier than she cared to be awake, and yet Namie Yagiri had managed to drag herself out of bed and into Shinjuku for the first time in over a month. The sun had just started to light the city when she had arrived at the apartment block and taken the elevator to the floor of her employer...former employer. Finding the correct key was simple. She had used it enough to be able to identify it with her eyes closed. She brushed her bangs out of her face as she unlocked the all too familiar door and threw it open. She chuckled at the pair of 'squeaks' she earned from the twin sisters of her former boss.  
"N..Namie! What are you doing here?" Demanded Mairu, who had quickly recovered from the shock.  
"I work here," Namie flatlined. "Well, used to. With your brother gone I had to go and find a new job. I'm here to gather my things and turn in my key as it were, not that it's any of your business."

Her emotionless expression sent chills down Mairu's spine as she clutched her sister's hand tighter. How could she feel nothing for Izaya? How could she be so calm? Of course Izaya was an asshole and everyone knew he had taken pleasure in tormenting his former secretary, but for her to not even show happiness at his absense was just creepy. Naime Yagiri appeared before the twins as a blank canvas that had been stripped of all it's features. They watched her like little hawks as she shuffled around the room gathering her belongings, analysing her every move, studying her facial features for any hints of emotion. They found none.

Even after the stoic woman had left the appartment, the two girls sat on the couch in silence. Mairu was only just able to contain her tears as she sat there, listening to the dull noises lifting up from the city below. Kururi narrowed her eyes and let go of her twin's hand. She lifted her body from the couch and wandered into her brother's room. She was relieved when Mairu did not follow her. As much as she loved her sister, she was starting to crave alone time aswell. Sitting on the bed, the young Orihara started at her knees, then at her hands, the realisation hitting her rather hard. She wasn't as useless as she had allowed everyone to make her feel. She had strong legs just like her brother. She was very nearly as fast as he was and her hands were just as skilled as his. No one had viewed him as strong when he was her age and yet he had become one of the most feared men in Tokyo. Why couldn't she do the same?

Namie Yagiri's appearance at the apartment had sparked great interest in Kururi's mind. Why had she waited until now to come and collect her things? Why had she conveyed no emotion what so ever? Usually she would have made some snide remark about Izaya finally getting what he deserved but today she had been void of every trait Kururi had associated with her. Something was rotten, and for the first time, Kururi was determined to figure it out, without her sister's help.

When Kururi left her side, Mairu could do nothing but sob. Following her twin would require an energy that she simply did not possess currently. For the first time in her life, Mairu was scared of her brother's former secretary. She was hollow and stone like. It was completely unnatural. Even Izaya conveyed emotions...when he thought no one was looking of course. UGH! Where was he? He was still alive...she could feel it...almost like an instinct. She cracked a twisted grin at the thought bubbling inside her head. Perhaps the Oriharas were more monsterous and beastlike than any Heiwajima would ever be.

* * *

"So, I was talking to Nakura the other da-"  
"No you weren't," he cut her off, looking to his feet.  
"You're right!" She laughed. "I lied. But anyway, so I was talking to Nakura and he said tha-"  
He ignored the rest. He knew he was crazy so he really didn't need to hear it. Kanra had been visiting him more and more lately. Was he that desperate for company that he had started fabricating her from thin air? Her visits were rare in the beginning. A voice here or there, playing tricks in his mind. She would be there after he recieved a beating or after a particularly strong desire for company. At first she had said very little, showing herself for short periods of time before vanishing. With her visits becoming daily events, he could only reason that he was breaking. He, Izaya Orihara, was decending into the very depths of madness.  
Her laugh cut arcoss him like a blade.  
"You're off your rocker," she teased.  
"I know."

"Orihara!" A shrill voice cut through his self inflicted torture, causing his eyes to dialate slightly as he looked up.  
"Namie! How wonderful for you to come and see me. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I would be recieving visitors today."  
"Cut the crap," she lashed out. "Talking to yourself isn't healthy. You're no use to us crazy, we need you sane."  
"Whatever gave you the impression that I was willing to help a traitorous wench like you and that fat bulldog of a human upstairs? I would rather-"  
"You'll help us, or we'll cut their toes off, one by one."  
"Who?" He cocked his head to the side genuinely confused. Kanra and Nakura were people he'd fabricated to amuse himself and now to keep him company...she couldn't possibly harm them. He laughed, finding her threat invalid. "They don't exist! You can't do anything to them!"  
"...You really have lost it," she spat, raising a manicured eyebrow at him. "I can assure you that your sisters are quite real and it would be all too easy to bring them in."

Turning on her heel, she left him there without another word. He gasped in shock. His sisters! She had threatened his sisters! No one threatened an Orihara and got away with it, and that bitch had just made threats against two.

"You going to let her get away with that?" A smooth voice interrupted his thoughts.  
"Of course not. Namie Yaguri should know by now, you mess around with Orihara Izaya and you're bound to get cut."

* * *

_**Because we all knew he was mad to begin with, right?  
I don't know what it is but I just love insane for everyone else to see Izaya**_

_**It fills me with warm fuzzy feels**_

_**I'll try to update quicker next time**_


	5. Chapter 5 - The intensity of solitude

**I really want to than everyone who has reviewed this story thus far-  
xXSakura -no-HanaXx anon Soi Kusa Love-girl2015 Piratelizard101 UchihaXSarah evil is everywhere isthisparadise Passerbyanon Rai Rai Blue anonym Guest(s) Applemonster Eloda nightwaLKer92 TheCatsMeow8562 Anonymous nonameyet Shanny cherry wolf Capella Sherlock Holmes Maxsunny Bloom Flower**

**The reviews you guys give, even if it's a single word really does help me. It lets me know that there are people who read my shenanigans, so thankyou thankyou thankyou. Thankyou for your support and advice and ideas It was you guys that inspired me to pull myself out of bed today and finish this chapter. Self pity be damned!**

* * *

Shinra sat at his laptop, typing away and humming to himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the twin girls sitting on the couch. They whispered to each other and then to Celty.  
He wasn't jealous!  
Nope! Not at all!  
So what if Celty was giving those twin devils more attention than she had been giving him lately? It didn't matter.  
...Ok, so he was alittle jealous. But it wasn't just directed at the twins! Izaya was the focus of Celty's thoughts lately. It was driving him mad, dividing him and confusing him. He both hated and loved Orihara Izaya.

He missed his 'friend' dearly. He had always had a soft spot for the information broker, even in highschool he had wanted to keep the smaller male close, even if it irked Shizuo. Shinra had always been attracted to the two of them. The supernatural had always drawn his facination. Shizuo was insanely strong and inhumanly resistant to injury, and Izaya was devilishly quick and stupidly fearless of the other's temper. Over time, Shinra's facination had twisted into a form of love for the two, an obsession second only to the one he held for Celty. He longed to know what made them tick, what really drove them and their weaknesses. Unfortunately for him, Izaya had managed to figure it out right before he vanished, leaving Shinra Kishitani in a state of utter embarassment and confusion.

"DAMN IT IZAYA!" He shrieked out in frustration, slamming his fists into the keyboard. "Where are you?"  
The gentle hand on his shoulder calmed the enraged doctor. He looked up into eyes he could have sworn belonged to his missing friend and his heart jumped. It wasn't until the girl spoke that the misty eyed idiot realised his mistake and released a deflated sigh.  
"Sorry Kururi...What was it you said?"  
The girl puffed out her cheeks in annoyance and glared. "Secretary."  
"Secretary? No no, I don't need a secretary and I think you may be just a little too young to do that anyway but thanks for the offer."

Pain. Pain exploded along his cheek and jaw as her hand made contact with his face.  
"Stupid," she spat and pushed him and his wheely chair away from his laptop. Her nimble fingers began to furiously type away at the keyboard leaving the stunned doctor to watch on in shock. Had Kururi really just slapped him? Since when had she become so violent and impatient? Perhaps Izaya's absence had left a void and she had decided to fill it?  
OH GOD YES. That was it! Kururi was the new Izaya.

...

What a scary thought! Male Izaya was bad enough, a female Izaya would be horrific. The stuff of nightmares even.  
"Look," she demanded, dragging his chair back.  
"What?...Namie Yaguri? What about her?...You don't think she...OH! You do. You think she's behind this?"  
"Yes," was the only reply he got. Really, what more could he expect from her? Ohwell, maybe her claim was worth looking into.

* * *

"AAAAAHAHAHA!" He burst out laughing while examining his arms. They were littered with fresh cuts and bruises, a weak attempt by his captors to break him. Naturally he, being as stubborn as he is, simply laughed at them as they carved into his flesh. He had outrightly refused to surrender to their demands.  
He ignored Kanra who had sat herself down beside him, examinging his arms and cringing, choosing to focus instead on the woman on the other side of the bars.  
"You're an idiot, Orihara"  
"Now now," he chuckled, returning his focus to his mutilated flesh. "Namie. You should have known better."  
As if on cue, she reached up and touched the slash running across her cheek, scowling at the man responsible.  
"I told you. I will not work for you or that bulldog upstairs. There is no amount of damage that you can inflict upon my body that will entice me to change my mind."  
"Don't be so sure," she warned as she pivited on her heels and turned to leave.

"Naime~," he cooed, waiting for her to turn around again.  
"What? What do you want now?"  
"If you go after my sisters I warn you now. I will break free and I will make your life as miserable as possible. I will return the favour and just as you went after my sisters, I will go after your precious brother. Just keep that in mind as you plan your future my dear ex secretary."

-Time Skip-

For two weeks he had been dragged from his cell to meet with the ugly man upstairs and for all that time he had refused their demands. Every day that he refused was another notch carved in their patience. The tortures were getting worse but still his resolve remained. They would get nothing from him. EVER.

Today they had wound two coils around his arms, one hot and the other freezing cold. At first he had laughed because the coils were dealable. The heat was a warm buzz and the cold sent goosebumps racing over his flesh. It was then the intensity was increased. Oh how he had wanted to cry out in pain. His eyes had watered and he had clenched his jaw shut so tightly all of his teeth were now aching. Two burning sensations, both very different yet both equally as torturous and painful. His arms now sported two spiral like burns from the backs of his hands all the way up to just under his shoulders. They hadn't even bothered to wait for him to reject their offer, they had simply burned him and thrown him back into his cell.

When he had returned to his lifeless containment he could instantly feel something was off. Someone had been here while he was out. The dark coldness that he had grown accustomed to had somehow evapourated and reformed into something he remembered. It was almost as if he was back at Shinra's, sitting on the couch talking to the doctor and the dullahan.

"...Celty? Shinra?... SHINRA! CELTY! SHINRA CELTY SHINRA CELTY! PLEASE!"  
"Whoa whoa whoa, Izaya, calm down. There's no one here, just us. It's just you and I."

Kanra watched on as he broke. Even if she didn't physically exist, she now represented the part of Izaya that feared for his own sanity. She no longer existed simply to represent his presence on the internet, she had evolved into something more.

"Izaya, come here." She sat on the wooden bench in his cell and watched the once proud man curl up on the floor and shiver back his sobs. She sighed and held her head in her hands. Pathetic. That's what they had fallen to. Pathetic, alsolutely and utterly pathetic. What to do? What should they do?

After the silence had wavered on for far too long, Izaya found himself peaking up through his bangs to see if Kanra was still there. She was, and she was humming softly to herself. She was twirling her fingers through the air as she hummed, the smile on her face one of peace and contentment. Had she accepted his madness? Did that mean HE had accepted his own mental state? Hours had passed without his notice, the moon already half way across the inky night sky. She had been by his side for hours now and he could see that she had no intention of leaving this time. He had finally lost it, cracked and definately damaged. She was here to stay.

Gingerly he lifted himself from the cold stone floor and lowered himself onto his bed, keeping an eye on her and studying her movements. It was almost as if she was conducting a band or orchestra. As her humming increased in volume, he found he knew the song, eventually joining her and adding his tones to hers.

They sounded great together, but then again, an Orihara always had a beatiful voice and here there were two.

The guards outside the cell could only hear one voice inside the cell, and as hauntingly beautful as it was once the hums had evolved into actual lyrics, they knew it really couldn't be healthy. Orihara Izaya was never one to expose himself like this. They exchanged worried glances, peaking into his cell before making the call.

_"Blackbird singing in the dead of night_  
_Take these sunken eyes and learn to see_  
_All your life_  
_You were only waiting for this moment to be free_

_Blackbird fly Blackbird fly_  
_Into the light of the dark black night."_

* * *

**I really really love 'Blackbird' by the Beatles. I may or may not sing it when I need strength or just when I cry. I really want to apologise for leaving this for so long. Life happens, and when it does, boy does it hit you hard in the face. But I'm not here to complain. I hope this doesn't seem too rushed. I plan to rewrite this entire story once I finish it. I do admit, writing Shinra is always fun. Cya next time~**

**-Xandy**


	6. Chapter 6 - In slow motion

_**Hey guys. So I wrote this chapter while travelling via train. The trip took 10 hours, then another 3 by car to get to my destination though it was all worth it. So anyway, enjoy it. maybe I'll have the next chapter written on the way home.**_

_**A massive thankyou to all who fav'd and reviewed. YOU FILL MY HEART WITH FRAINBOWS AND FEELS...and possibly skittles**_

_**I don't own anything except the plot. Wish I did though**_

* * *

With the line dead and the office empty, Namie allowed herself to slump in the plush chair. She hated Izaya Orihara but could she really sign his death warrent? He had been crucial to her future plans. To have him on a leash would be to have unimaginal power within her grasp. Any competion that got too big for their boots could be brought crashing down with the skillful informant's work. Her own personal information broker. Now she would have to find someone else. Perhaps they had been too hard on him, but how else could they have approached this? Izaya would have never submitted for anything less than they gave him and he was far too stubborn to accept any amount of money placed before him.

She ran her hands through her long, dark locks in frustration. What to do what to do? There was literally no one else on par with Izaya. UGH this was giving her a headache.

Had they really taken things too far? How else could they have approached the situation? She couldn't have gone after his sisters, his threats towards her brother were perfectly serious.

Sirens blaring in the background tore through her office, jolting the poor woman. The yells screams of men haunted through the air, and then all was still.

"What?" She questioned, pulling on her white lab coat and running from the room. There were guards everywhere and getting through them was similar to the first Dollars meeting. Arms reached out to hold her back as beaten bodies were rushed passed on stretchers, muttering and sobbing.

"What happened?"  
"Miss Yaguri!" One of the night guards bowed. Fear was plastered across his face. "I- er. I don't know how to say this. We were attacked...by a...black spirit. We didn't see it coming! One moment everything was peaceful and the next moment half of us were on the ground and Orihara was being dragged out of his cell by...I don't know how to describe it...by shadows!"

Naime stood there stunned. In her time as Izaya's secretary she had learned a great deal about Celty the Dullahan, including just what the Irish faerie could do with her shadows. But why on earth would she bust out the man who hid her head from her?  
"Go, to the infirmary. I'll deal with you later."

The man nodded and hurried away with the rest of the injured men while she pushed past the forming crowd of night staff to investigate the cell. Empty and destroyed. There was no way Celty could break apart stone and steel like that.

* * *

Holding the frail man had seemed almost cruel as they rode along the all but abandoned streets of Ikebukuro. His arms were basically shreds and he was sputtering nonesense, talking to someone who clearly didn't exist. Celty had decided it best to hold him in place with her shadows and lean him back against her body, with her arms on either side to support him.

Kanra? Who was Kanra?...Oh, Kanra, his online identity. Why would he be talking to himself? Possibly mad? Shinra would know.

"Celty!" He suddenly called out. "Celty! it's you!"  
"Bit late there Izaya," she thought as they wove through the streets to beat to oncoming storm brooding over the skyscrapers. She had purposely taken the long way home to throw off anyone that may have deicded to follow them. She couldn't have anyone breaking into the apartment and hurting Shinra.

"Celty! You came to save us. I didn't think anyone would. I thought we were going to die in there."

The dullahan was more than worried now. What could they have done to him to unhinge him this much? Physical torture was obvious, but mental torture? Izaya was the most cunning and stubborn human she knew. If he could be broken like this, then what hope was there for the rest if humanity?

* * *

The night had been one of the longest one he could remember. The ride over here was a blurr but he could clearly remember being carried up a flight of stairs. It was jerky and rough, but far quicker than the stupid elevator with it's irritating music. He could also remember the look on Shinra's face when Celty had busted the door down and rushed him in. The idiot doctor had been asleep on the couch, and judging by the tent in his pants, he had been having rather vivid dreams.

Izaya had sat completely still throught his checkover, only flinching when there was needles involved. He could take a vending machine to the body and get right back up and keep on going, but needles were a different story all together. He whined and squirmed dispite his pain and only stilled when Celty intervened and held him in place. Wounds were cleaned, stitches were placed and limbs were wrapped. antibiotics were given as well as pain killers to give the informant some comfort so he could rest.  
The ordeal had taken hours and by the time Shinra stepped back and Celty let go, the sun was just starting to peek through the curtains hanging limply on the window. All three were exhausted but none of them would sleep.

Next came Shinra's barrage of questions, all of which Izaya ignored and remained silent. His lips were pulled back into a thin line, his eyes were almost hollow and his skin was many shades paler than Shinra had ever seen it. Silent yawns shook his body, signaling that it was time to give up for tonight. He would just have to try again tomorrow.

Izaya watched the doctor leave in silence. For the first time in months he felt completely safe, although, part of him was crying out for Shinra to stay with him. Of course he knew no body could get him here, he knew this was probably the safest place for him right now, but he couldn't shake the need to have someone with him. A flutter of pain rippled through his chest as the lights were switched off. The soft click of the door closing echoed though his mind as he debated whether to leave the bed and flick the light switch back on. Tonight would be a very long night indeed.

* * *

By morning, the exhausted informant was snoring away in a mannor that would have him ashamed should he actually hear it. Izaya had prided himself on the fact that he was a quiet sleeper. Shinra smiled at his friend , busying himself with the notes he was scribbling on his clipboard, tempted to record the snores for blackmail later. Celty had filled him in on what she knew (which wasn't much), now he just needed to hear it from Izaya. But clearly, now was not the time. For now, he would let his friend sleep. Every ounce of hate Shinra had felt towards Izaya had all but melted away.

* * *

Pissed off. That was the only thing he felt. He was pissed. The smug little bastard had gotten away and now that he knew they were after him, we more than likely wouldn't come back.  
"Hey, calm down. It's alright, we'll get him next time," The dreadlocked one beside him stated casually. "We'll track him down."

Shizuo just growled in response, turning his back to his boss and storming out of the alleyway. It reminded Tom of a child throwing a tantrum because they didn't get their own way. Shizuo had been acting like this for a while now and although he had his suspitions as to why, no way in hell was he brave enough to voice them aloud. He may have been good friends with his bodyguard, but there were certain things that would get him beaten up and this was one of those things.

Tom Tanaka was a smart man. He had done well for himself in school and had started up his own debt collection agency. He knew the ins and the outs of his city, he knew the people, what they were like and how they would react. He was physically fit and rather brave but nothing on earth could convince him to take on Shizuo Heiwajima.

Now, being as smart as he was, Tom had always kept an eye on his friend. He observed how Shizuo reacted to different people and based on that, he had learned how to read Heiwajima almost like a book. Shizuo was an uncomplicated man. For him, the world was painted in four shades of colour. In one shade were the 'innocent' people, who did nothing wrong. They were good. They included his closest friends and family. In the next shade sat the 'bad' people. Some of these people were simply there because they had made mistakes and had yet to learn from them, but mostly they were the rotten souls of the city, spreading crime and trouble where ever they went. In a shade all his own sat the man himself. He was different and as a result this is how he saw himself, able to interact with others but never be close to them or like them. In the final colour, the one he hated the most sat the man his life revolved around. He never said it out loud, but everyday the blonde bodyguard would look around and search for this man. He would seek him out. Their fights gave his day much needed structure, without them he grew bored and lost. Tom knew all of this simply by spending time with Shizuo, no words of this nature passed between them, but he knew all the same.

Since Izaya's disappeance, Shizuo had steadily been slipping. His search was growing more frantic, his moods more foul and his tsntrums more childish. Tom had concluded that Shizuo needed Izaya in his life. Without him, the man was simply incomplete.

* * *

His world had all but come to a stop since Izaya had vanished and he didn't know why. Every day he looked for the other, and every day he was left disappointed and angry. This confused him more than anything else. Why was he so angry? Why was he so desperate even for a glance of that stupid fur trimmed jacket? He felt lonely, this he knew without a doubt. Izaya had been the only one to never fear him and somehow, that was comforting as well as revolting.

Since Celty had told him the bastard was missing, he had been searching even harder because it just wasn't possible that the Flea had met his end. He would be the one to kill him, no one else. That was the way of it.

He could vaguely hear Tom in the background informing him that they were done for the day. He waved his hand to signal that he had heard him and left before Tom could ask if he was alright, because truthfully, he really wasn't.

People that had once whizzed past him in a hurry to get to their destinations now seemed stuck at half speed, their movements slowed right down. He noticed everything from the smallest patch of tainted material on a dress, to small tears in trousers. Even old shoes caught his attention. Was this what it was like for Izaya? Did he notice all of these things every time he went out? It was his job to observe people afterall.

He sat on the edge of a fountain situated in the middle of a park, the warm afternoon sun gently carassing his back. It sent tiny shivers up his spine as the warmth ghosted his neck and exposed flesh, almost like a lover's breath. Izaya's face came to mind at this thought causing Shizuo to sigh. He had stopped fighting such thoughts not long ago. A small smile worked it's way to his lips without notice as his mind dived deeper and deeper into itself.  
So far into his own thoughts was the monster of Ikebukuro that he failed to hear the ghostly bray of a horse, or notice the PDA screen before his nose. His smile had yet to faulter.

_[Shizuo. We've found him.]_

* * *

**_Well, there you have it. Please review~_**


	7. Chapter 7 - Broken

_**Hey guys. It's been a while huh? Sorry for the stupidly long wait. I've had a lot on my plate lately and it's really gotten me down. Hopefully this rut will end very soon.  
Anyways, enjoy Izaya's madness. I had fun writing it.**_

* * *

Waking with a start was nothing new to Izaya these days. His time in the cell had somewhat trained him to always sleep with one ear alert. He sat up, instantly regretting the action but doing nothing to right the situation and placed his head in his hands. His tired eyes remained closed while his ears strained to hear what was going on just outside his room. There were voices, muffled of course, making him work all the more to hear the conversation. He instantly recognized Shinra. The annoying individual hadn't shut up since he had arrived here with Celty. Two more voices joined the conversation. They were female, one much more vocal than the other.  
Ahh, Mairu and Kururi were out there. Atleast they were safe from that she-demon for a while.

With his head pounding and body throbbing, he really wasn't in the mood for visitors but he couldn't turn his sisters away...his annoyingly loud and headache causing sisters.

"SHINRA!" He called out, head still cradled delicately in his hands. The creak of the door forced him to crack open a single eye to glare at the head poking in. "Can I have something for this headache and the throbbing?"

Izaya definitely wasn't used to asking for things nicely. It felt strange to him but he was desperate.

"Sure Izaya," Shinra smiled, walking all the way into the room and locking the door behind him to keep the little pests out. "Mairu and Kururi are here. They're pretty desperate to see you. I told them they would have to wait until you felt up to recieving visitors...but ..well, you know them. They're just as ...well, they're like you."

"Shinra, right now I don't care. My head hurts, my body is aching and I can't see properly!"

"Hey, easy there. It's alright. It's natural for your body to protest while it tries to heal. You're eyesight is more than likely due to your injuries and pain and maybe the medication I've put you on. New and untested! Lucky you! You're the first one ever to try it. Isn't that exciting?"

"I will cut you Kishitani."

"You're so crabby, it's almost adorable. Oh stop pouting and get some rest. I'll send your sisters home so you can have some peace." The doctor chuckled, delighted that he was able to torment his guest without a blade threatening to cut into his flesh.

Izaya had no idea how Shinra could be so joyful in a situation like this, but then again, it WAS Shinra. He loved experimenting and testing...especially on his 'friends'. Shinra served as a constant reminder to Izaya of why he kept his 'friends' at a distance. Humans, as much as he loved them, could not be trusted.

Groaning, he relaxed his weakened body back down on the surprisingly comfortable mattress and allowed his eyes to flutter closed. Sounds became distorted and the annoyingly persistent light from the window stopped stabbing at his eyelids and faded to nothing.

* * *

Everywhere. Standing around him. Judging.  
Laughing.  
Snickering.  
Dissecting him with their eyes. They each had four after all, two on each side where humans would have only one.  
Humanoids. Seven of them.  
Each figure stood around two and a half metres tall, lean with no defining curves or indicators. Were they genderless? They all looked eactly the same with veils over the place he supposed their mouths were, a single braid of snow white hair resting over their right shoulders and finishing just past their chests. Every eye was ice blue with no pupil. Their robes were all a simple off white colour, hanging off bony shoulders covered in dull bluish grey skin. They were impure. They were not clean.

Yet at the same time, they were beautiful and they were definitely more than he was.  
He could feel them pulling at his mind, trying to bend and break him.

Greater manipulators than himself? Was that even possible?

The room they stood in was circular in shape. It reminded him of the Colosseum. The walls were a blinding white and it chilled him to his core. The entire room was white, the kind you associate with hospital sheets and extreme cleanliness. But despite this, he felt dirty.

He wasn't alone either.

Men and women huddled behind him. They were actual humans and not some form of demented creature! Some whimpered, others grunted in an attempt to hide their fear, but he could smell it. Even those...things...could smell it. They seemed to enjoy inhaling deeply, their eyes closing in contentment.

How was he supposed to protect all these humans from the four eyed monsters towering around them, closing them in to a tight circle?  
They were like cattle.  
It was far too crowded!  
He couldn't breathe!  
But he couldn't let anything happen to his beloved entertainment!  
What could he do? What was there to be done against such creatures?

...Where did the other humans go?

Had they abandoned him and made a run for it? Why hadn't those creatures stopped them? The new kind that resembled dog like beasts oozing a black tar from every inch of skin they had, leaving black smudge marks instead of paw prints. There were seven in total, circling around the four eyed things, all staring inward, snarling a horrible gurgling sound, with yellow stained fangs bared and ready to sink into defiant flesh.

The stench was unbelievable. It brought tears to his eyes. The hounds were closing in and he was completely unarmed.  
DEFENCELESS.  
Broken.  
Lost.  
Alone.  
...Scared.

No where to run and no where to hide.

"NO!" He screamed out as dripping fangs motioned to snap closed over his calf.

* * *

"NO!" Izaya screamed as he sat up in bed. His eyes darted over the room, chest heaving as he gasped like a goldfish out of water.

He vaguely acknowledged Shinra rushing to his side as sobs began to rack his trembling body, further restricting his breathing.

Transferred body heat scarcely made a difference to his full blown panic attack. Cold sweat from his body made Shinra shiver as his skin came into contact with Izaya's iced flesh.

"Shit Izaya! You're freezing!"  
It was true, he was freezing, probably due to the opened window to his side, but it felt so much like the white room.

"Easy, come on. It's alright. You're safe. You're safe here with Celty and I. You're safe, I promise. Calm down and breathe."

The doctor and the Dullahan glanced at each other before turning back to their guest, both terrified of whatever would come next.

* * *

_**Random fun fact - Izaya's dream is actually based off one of my own.**_

_**I always seem to end on cliffhangers, right? Bad habit. Next time I'll try not to. Izaya deserves a break. Thankyou so much for all the reviews and favs and follows and stuff. It really does pull me through. Once again I apologise for the ridiculous wait. Thank you for not giving up on me and this story. It will be finished, I promise. No matter what, I will complete it.**_

_**See you guys next time.**_

_**-Xandy**_


	8. Chapter 8 - The Darkness of the Mind

**Hey guys. Long time no see once again. I am sorry for the stupidly long wait. Thank you for sticking with it.  
I just want to say that even when it seems I've given up from lack of activity, unless I actually** **say so myself, please don't assume I've given up. I may be down but I'm definately not out.  
I'm still very much in love with this fandom, and I read the fics uploaded every chance I get**.  
**I've been sitting on this chapter for far too long so here it is.**

* * *

It had taken hours for Izaya to calm down. Shinra had finally been able to drag himself to bed in the early hours of the morning, reassured that his patient would be in safe hands as Celty insisted on sitting up with the destroyed man.

She had never witnessed anyone cry so much. It was heart breaking.

Izaya had sat rigidly still until the first signs of sunlight slithered through the curtains, his hands clutched over his face with his eyes staring out between his ring and pinky fingers and his knees drawn right up against his chest. His hair was a complete mess, standing out at all angles lacking it's usual shine and softness.

He really was just the hollow shell of Izaya Orihara.

He had finally relaxed when the entire room was illuminated by morning light and had even allowed Celty to sit right beside his bed without panicking that her shadows would rip him apart.

It took a few more hours still until Izaya finally started answering some of her questions. He had very little trouble describing the room and the other humans with him. Describing the situation was a little tougher, but no matter what, he could not bring himself to describe his captors.

He finally found a tiny speck of courage and asked the dullahan for a few sheets of paper, choosing to sketch instead of speak. That was fine with her.

However, even before his pencil could touch the paper, Celty found herself out on the streets, having been called out on a job.

Closing his eyes and taking deep, steady breaths, Izaya prepared himself for the journey back into his mind, back to the white room, back to his deepest fears.

What he feared was not the death side of things, although he wasn't particularly keen on the idea of dying. No, what scared Izaya Orihara was a loss of control.

With tembling hands and shakey breath, he touched his pencil to one of the many sheets of paper and began.

Smooth strokes, flowing as if an extention of his pencil danced across the once blank pages, but it wasn't enough. It was too small. Truthfully, he had found them beautiful, hauntingly so and these small pages simply could not convey that.

"The walls," Kanra uttered, sitting on the foot of his bed and staring directly at him. "Use the walls. I'm sure Shinra won't mind. They're plain and boring after all, plus you're mad! He can't get angry at someone who isn't mentally sound right?"

Izaya stared blankly at his company.  
"If I did that, I wouldn't be able to sleep in here. It would be exactly like-" He faltered. Yes. It would be like his dream. Could he relive that?

"The dream? Yes, I know. I was there. It would also make them understand. You cried for goodness sake, they have to understand why."

"Kanra. I can't even walk right now."

"Yes you can. You're just being lazy. Get up! Show them the extent of our madness!

* * *

Walking into the guest room was like entering a different world. Sketches towered up the walls, all facing towards the center of the room, the exact spot where Izaya was standing.

"Izaya! What the hell? Those are my walls, not your canvas!"

"I wanted you to understand."

* * *

**Just a short one to let you all know I'm still kicking. I'd draw all over my bedroom walls if I could.  
Anyway. Hope you guys enjoyed.**


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